WE ALL NEED FRIENDS! Friends can come in many forms and the relationships can be as colourful
as the nature we live in. Here I don’t mean the type of friend you add on FB just because they
sent you an invitation. What I am talking about are real, physical and emotional relationships
that share common threads. A relationship which is healthy and where both individuals
understand what they bring to the friendship and one where they are given the space and
opportunity to grow, make choices and fully participate. It’s about listening to each other, being
there for one another, supporting the process of change and growth, and it’s ultimately about
love.
Boundaries are also vital! I’m not talking about putting up walls, I’m talking about healthy
personal space that we all need to cultivate so that we can remain strong and integral. Good
boundaries in a relationship can simply mean being clear with each other about what the
relationship is, what it stands for and about each individual stating their needs. It’s also about
being able to say YES and NO (a harder one for most people) when it feels right in the body.
Having a voice! And when it is heard by the other, it’s accepted.
A big part of it is about permission! There is no room in healthy friendships for rescuing, fixing or
predation. It is important that you ask for permission when you interact or engage with the other
person. Simply jumping into old patterns like: “I know what you need to do!” (fixing), or “you poor
thing come here and I’ll give you a hug” (rescuing) or “ah get over it, you have it easy, stop your
crying” (predating) will not only not help but will damage yourself, the other person and any
chance for a trusting, healthy relationship from developing. You have a choice: you can be
conscious of it and stop or choose to continue, it’s up to you.
In his brilliant book “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz summarises what must be done:
1) Be Impeccable With Your Word.
2) Don't Take Anything Personally.
3) Don't Make Assumptions.
4) Always Do Your Best.
And although we may have heard these before in different forms I suggest you read the book or
listen to the audio version for a full explanation. It was a book that I was ready to read and it
affected deeply.
A healthy relationship is fruitful if there is always strong, compassionate, honest communication.
Human beings are a young species and only finding their way in the world and the cosmos so like
all young things they make mistakes, they are not always clear with their words, intentions and
actions - all a natural part of growing up. So having relationships where we can express ourselves
fully - or as best as we can - without being judged and speaking our heart-truth without fear of
being rescued, fixed or predated on are important steps towards healthier relationships.
As I said above friends come in many forms so to have relationships with all beings around us we
need to be clear, direct, compassionate and open. Person -> Person; Person -> Plant; Person ->
Animal; Person -> Invisibles. And remember it works the other way around as well. It’s their
journey to.
When we start out on this journey to create healthier friendships then we take the first steps
towards healthy, powerful and loving communities. Let’s step out of the dramas that we find
ourselves roped into and find freedom within and without. Untangling ourselves from the myriad
of co-dependencies is a long process - maybe lasting all of our life - and it can be a very painful
one especially when your heart field remains in flux. For our heart to remain open can be very
painful but as we work through the meanings of this pain and the wounds underneath we start to
clear space for more joy and love to come in and for me this is benefit enough. To remain closed
off because I don’t want to feel the pain means I miss all the good stuff, which is too big of a risk
and one that I am not willing to take anymore.
And remember, don’t take it personally.
Now I will share with you our Friends and maybe they can be yours to!
Veriditas Hibernica
Veriditas Hibernica was founded in Cork, Ireland by Nikki Darrell. Nikki is a great friend and
mentor and someone who has taught and inspired me. The community that she set up from her
sanctuary in Coachford, County Cork continues to grow, flourish, inspire and support healthy
community near and far. It is a shining light and great example to all. I am happy to call Nikki
and Veriditas Hibernica a friend. LOOK FOR YOURSELF
Herbalistes sans Frontières
Herbalistes sans Frontières in their own words are, “French herbalism working towards an
international herbal community,” and for that alone Herba Vitalis shares a common thread. It
was Nikki who suggested the link and after an email I could sense the friendship was mutual. I was
happy that they wanted me to be part of their community. CHECK THEM OUT
Quotes
“What you will see is love
coming out of the trees,
love coming out of the sky,
love coming out of the
light. You will perceive love
from everything around
you. This is the state of
bliss.” ~ Miguel Ruiz
“Find the courage to ask
questions and to express
what you really want.
Communicate with others
as clearly as you can to
avoid misunderstandings,
sadness and drama.”
~ Miguel Ruiz
© 2009-2012 Neil McNulty. All rights reserved.
